Perfectionism is one of the worst psychological traps. It is a snake eating its own tail. Being driven to take on all the responsibilities only means there are more opportunities to screw up. This is the predicament that sends the perfectionist’s anxiety sky high! Learning how to stop being a perfectionist can help break this cycle.

Getting to the root of perfectionism takes time and the following approach prescribes steps that give way to a deeper self-awareness and new way of being. How to overcome perfectionism can begin with developing this deeper self-awareness.

 

Step 1: Learn to shift to being instead of doing.

All card carrying perfectionist have multiple ‘to-do’ lists at any point in time. While it is necessary to check off our tasks in life, we cannot conclude that our worth and existence is nothing more than what we do. Learning to be is crucial and it will be uncomfortable, so get ready! Believing that you can lie in bed all day and still have value is the antithesis to the perfectionist manifesto, and yet it is the ultimate goal. But don’t panic, you will get there in baby steps. Letting go of perfectionism can help you recognize that your value is not defined by productivity.

 

Step 2: Begin to envision a worthwhile, imperfect you.

This steps is tough because the perfectionist likely lives according to beliefs that are nothing more than a cognitive house of cards. Valuing productivity and falling for the illusion of control gives perfectionists a false sense of power and stability. Challenging perfectionistic beliefs must occur slowly and subtly to keep anxiety and defenses at bay. A new image of oneself must be developed over time. This new self-image cannot be too radical or the perfectionist mind will think, “Reject!” Instead, multiple versions must be imagined over time to create flexibility in thinking and loosen the grip on a singular self concept. Eventually the perfectionist can slowly accept a new view of the self. Ways to overcome perfectionism can include challenging rigid beliefs and developing greater flexibility in how you view yourself.

 

Step 3: Invite imperfection into your life.

Sometimes the only thing keeping us from expanding our personality is practice. If the perfectionist never allows a mistake to go unaddressed or always attends to every possible detail, then there is no opportunity to practice imperfection. I like to think of personality in terms of skills. The perfectionist has developed a set of skills that allows them to be hyper-focused and detail-oriented. Practicing imperfection requires a different set of skills–self-compassion, flexible thinking, and critical thinking. In order to be more comfortable with imperfection, developing new skills is required and that only comes through practice.  How to embrace imperfection begins with developing these new skills through practice. This can be accomplished by intentionally sending an email with a misspelled word, wearing a certain shirt even though it needs a little ironing, or releasing a work product that could still use a round of revision. These are just a few examples, but the idea is to increase comfort with imperfection through practice. This results in an dynamic, more flexible personality that isn’t driven by the compulsion to be perfect.

Ready to release your high expectations and love your imperfections? Contact me to make an appointment!

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. What is perfectionism?
A: Perfectionism is a pattern of setting extremely high expectations for yourself and feeling that mistakes or imperfections are unacceptable. It can create pressure around productivity, self-worth, and performance. Ways to overcome perfectionism include developing flexibility and self-compassion.

Q. How do you overcome perfectionism?
A: How to overcome perfectionism begins with challenging rigid beliefs about productivity and self-worth. Practice allowing mistakes, developing flexible thinking, and gradually becoming more comfortable with imperfection. Small, intentional changes can help create a healthier perspective over time.

Q. How can I stop being a perfectionist?
A: How to stop being a perfectionist involves recognizing that your value is not determined by everything you accomplish. Practice being rather than constantly doing, challenge unrealistic expectations, and gradually allow yourself to make mistakes without immediately correcting them.

Q. Why is perfectionism harmful?
A: Perfectionism can increase anxiety, create unrealistic expectations, and make mistakes feel threatening. Constantly pursuing flawless results may also tie self-worth to productivity. Letting go of perfectionism can create greater flexibility and reduce the pressure to always perform perfectly.

Q. How do you embrace imperfection?
A: How to embrace imperfection involves intentionally practicing situations where everything does not need to be perfect. Allow small mistakes, challenge the need for constant control, and develop self-compassion, flexible thinking, and comfort with uncertainty through repeated practice.