Have you ever heard of the Serenity Prayer?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

It has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous, but I think the prayer prescribes a practice that would be beneficial to us all, no matter our personal struggle or belief system. A large portion of emotional pain exists because we we fall into one of the biggest traps, which is focusing too much on what we cannot control. One strategy that is suggested by therapists and life coaches is called ‘radical acceptance.’ It means exactly what it says: one is to totally (radically) believe or recognize (accept) a situation. This is about accepting things you cannot control.

This concept isn’t for the faint of heart, radical acceptance can be quite challenging. We are socialized to believe that life  happens to us and that it is what we’ve earned or deserve. As a result, we either blame ourselves or others and internalize the consequences. The benefits of radical acceptance can help us approach these challenges differently.

When practicing radical acceptance, one believes that life simply happens. It has nothing to do with us personally and it will always be unpredictable. Nothing will ever be perfect and life will never be smooth sailing. By realizing and accepting that there will always be ups and downs in life, one must release all the things that cannot change and now there is room to focus on only the things that actually can be different. Nothing is left but a world of possibility! Practicing radical acceptance every day can help reinforce this perspective.

In case you don’t already know, here is a list of things you really cannot change, even though you wish you could:

• What people think of you
• Who finds you attractive
• Getting a job in a bad economy
• What people say about you behind your back
• Your parents and your childhood experiences
• How you feel at all times
• Who likes you and who doesn’t
• Being offended
• Dealing with difficult people
• Emotional triggers

These points of powerlessness are not highlighted to make anyone feel bad about themselves. It is actually the opposite. By accepting the areas of life that are truly our of your control, you empower yourself to focus only on that which is truly within your sphere of control. That is the power of radical acceptance. How to practice radical acceptance involves recognizing what is outside your control and redirecting your focus toward what you can change. Using radical acceptance in daily life can help reinforce this approach.

Interested in learning more about radical acceptance and how you can apply it to your life? Contact me to make an appointment!

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. What is radical acceptance?
A: Radical acceptance means fully recognizing reality as it is, including situations you cannot change. It involves letting go of resistance and focusing your energy on what remains within your control. The benefits of radical acceptance include greater emotional flexibility.

Q. How do you practice radical acceptance?
A: How to practice radical acceptance starts with acknowledging the situation without judgment, recognizing what you cannot change, and allowing difficult feelings to exist. Then, redirect your attention toward choices and actions that remain within your control.

Q. Why is radical acceptance important?
A: Radical acceptance can reduce the emotional struggle created by trying to control unpredictable situations. Practicing radical acceptance every day helps you recognize life’s uncertainty, release unnecessary blame, and focus more clearly on what you can actually change.

Q. How do you accept things you cannot control?
A: Accepting things you cannot control begins with recognizing that some circumstances, people, and outcomes are beyond your influence. Rather than fighting reality, acknowledge what has happened and focus your attention on responses and actions within your control.

Q. When should you use radical acceptance?
A: Using radical acceptance in daily life can be helpful when facing difficult people, unexpected changes, emotional triggers, or situations you cannot control. It allows you to acknowledge reality while directing your energy toward choices that can make a difference.